Just because I work incredible good out of unspeakable tragedies doesn't mean I orchestrate the tragedies. Don't ever assume that my using something means I caused it or that I need it to accomplish my purposes. That will only lead you to false notions about me. Grace doesn't depend on suffering to exist, but where there is suffering you will find grace in many facets and colors. Isn't it true of our concepts in life that when a misfortune hits, we automatically assume that it was needed for our personal growth, or what is more, that something else caused it and that it is needed for our hardship. The need of some other's availability to blame. Beyond that, it is our right to grace when we have been wronged, or isn't that at least how we feel? Step past the range of vision we've been taught: we need to let it "roll off" and "rise above". That only camouflages our need to grow doesn't it? Although great concepts, do we actually ever attain the task?
Being enveloped in the racing world, deluging through circuits, it is indeed very rewarding, but calamity is also duly involved. I once thought that because of the excessive stakes in racing, it allowed great capability to grow in them, giving ample opportunity to succeed in an illustrious kind of suffering. The kind of suffering that would impact enough to reach awareness for the return of a changed society. As agreeable as my motives were, they would never reach an awaking and gripping change. It would never reach that point due to a lack of the basic foundation of grace. It would never resound in incredible good. If my motives were in the right place, and I had the "rise above" sort of outlook, why could I not reach this sector of suffering at a higher level? Suffering goes beyond the surface. It not only indulges in great emotional tugs, but it does something strange to our minds. Suffering is like those rose tented glasses you wear when your in love, except they aren't rose colored. Rather, they are grey and foggy and have a tendency to make us subside to a paradoxical self state. With the same token, our absence of certainty can push us to a greater meaning in life, but not in the same approach that we so often assume- that our tragedies were causes for our greater good; or, if I might be so bold, karma. I often wonder if my longing to suffer for a reason or for a better purpose in my mind was there to only cover up the real hurt and pain that was caused in the first place. That make my suffering only a disguise to gaining power to heal my own self. If this is true, then healing massively hinges on suffering, and grace is vanished because everything involved can be manipulated by our very own power. I don't know about you, but this thought process seems seriously wry. If everything hinges on our own power, then why is there bigger concepts and more meaning to the things unknown that we do not understand? I believe that this way of thinking will only lead to false notions. Suffering is not the anchor to life. It is a piece of life that is loathsome, and it is not essential to our ways of life. We do not need suffering to become the next football champion, or the best selling artist, nor do we need it to touch others in our life. We need the far opposite to achieve those. Unfortunately, suffering exists, it just is. That is where the greater grace is shown because where there is suffering, you will find grace. Not the other way around. You can undoubtably touch those through your sufferings and hardships, but it is the heart of understanding grace and the unfailing desire to follow that brings an awaking change to our world. It is the peace of knowing no matter where you are there you will find grace and love, even if you happen to be in the mists of suffering. Still yet, the suffering is our story, not our way to grace. Living by Faith, Mianna “What if I fall? Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?” ― Erin Hanson Taking that first step into the pitch black scene, or taking a leap of faith off a cliff can be taunting. Maybe you didn't step at all, maybe, your earth just shifted under your feet. Either way, the changing of our world, thoughts, actions, and the people within our world, can be terrifying. Change is a strange thing. No one wants it, but no one can live without it.
What would life be without change? The thought of no change is even scarier. If there was never change, our society wouldn't even be recognizable to us today. The things the majority of our world would never give up (phones, technology, cars, tractors, fashionable clothes, curling irons or straighteners, or how about the brewer for Starbucks coffee... the list goes on) these are all simple facets to the change that has already occurred. As I step back and look at what life used to be before, I am so very thankful for the change that has occurred. Striving for the future, taking that leap of faith, is unnerving. Change is hard because it means adapting to a new way of life. It's the blank piece of paper on which the story hasn't been wrote yet. However, change can mean beauty. It can be the new melody that unravels the greatest song ever sung. It can be the defining outcome of changing a persons life, or the joy you've skipped out on the last many years. Change can be the start to a new ending. Change is a crossroad in your life. You can choose to make different decisions and go in many different directions. Conjointly, many times, even if you long to not choose any direction, a decision will be made for you. No decision is a decision. The inevitability of change can be our fall, or it can be our flying. We have no control is if life changes or not, but we do have control in what path we take and how we carry ourselves through our journey. Be the change that changes a life. Living by Faith, Mianna 
As cars consume my mind in many ways, I suppose it my dad that I have to thank. He continually slaved over work, providing, and then to come home and hunch over a single engine for the next 3 hours so we could drive that weekend. He taught me the possibilities to loving a sport such as I have learned to do. He encouraged me so much that I was not beat down when discourage clouded over. He taught me to push hard and to strive for the impossible. I never tell my dad thank you enough for the part he's had in molding me to be who I am today. Without racing, I would not be who I am today. Without the training I've had, I would not be the same today. Without my dad, I would not be the same today. - I love. As my family and I are very strong together, we still have our moments. We are real. We have disagreements, but we have been taught that a disagreement is not worth loosing a love. I also imagine the grace my family shells out has been what has given me the knowledge to knowing that their love is not tangent on a single act in life, but rather the peace and the entangled emotions in my heart I can't deny is the love. We've all fallen in love with others, also had broken hearts, but no matter what, our love always stays the same. We laugh, we play games, we sing, dance, we are a part of each other's lives. We feel pain when the other is down. We give up so much to see the smile on their face one more time. We aren't perfect, we aren't the richest, we do not have the most wisdom and understanding as many others on this land, but we love. Love holds us together. Love conquers all. Love has shaped us to be who we are today. We love together because, so humbly, we've all been taught a time before an even greater love. This is to my most beloved Savior and Family. <3 Living by Faith, Mianna. ** TO DO LIST: endless ** Life gets crazy from time to time. From training in the gym, to practicing on the track in my car, all the way to balancing "family and friend" time, life can sometimes slowly begin to tighten it's fist and punch an overwhelming substance of stress into life. The question is how to become a superhero at balancing life, but since I'm not a superhero, is all hope lost?!
This past week it started with a huge list of sponsors to contact for my racing, new suit designs to finish up because the deadline for the next race event is creeping up. On top of that I was cramming in a trip 5 hours from home (one way) to get a few sessions on the race track in, along with heaps of work in fields as I continue to help my parent's fertilizer business advance, not to mention keeping up on that social media. It began to dawn on me toward the end of the week that Easter was this Sunday and my parents and I had a Sunrise Service to host at my house in just a few days. - It's at these moments I think that I might be a bit obsessed with this obscure life I live, and that it may be a tad over-rated. Wouldn't life would be easier if I could just sit in an office from nine to five, Monday through Friday? - How am I going to fit prepping for this very important Sunday and achieve finishing the rest of my to do list for this week? During prayer one night, it sunk in that this innumerable, and quite frankly, reoccurring suffocation of a plain "to do list" was a mere perception of life and a lack of activity balance. The thought of my schedule being easier if I worked a "normal" job, would at no time be normal due to my self application and "busy bee" work ethnic. It's not a matter of how much work racing, fertilizing, sponsor satisfaction, relationships, and day to day chores are, but rather that its that I CAN wedge this huge to do list into my life because of my very own nature. If I would work a nine to five job, I would in fact find someway to fill the space void of an overflowing schedule. I think the trick is to live the life you groomed yourself to hold, AND know when your accumulation of hustle and bustle is effecting your performance to finish your tasks - the acceptance of saying no because you've already said yes. Have a great week- Happy Monday!! Living by Faith, Mianna |